Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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