You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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