You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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