Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
