Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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