everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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