Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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