Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
