The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
