You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
