i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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