im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
