i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
