when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
