youre lurking in front of me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
