we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
