he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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