But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
