yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
