He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
