What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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