can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
