Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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