I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
