I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
