if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
