So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
