Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
