Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize