I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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