This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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