I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
