she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
