This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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