I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
