The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
