I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize