I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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