Im at strip club and am horny
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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