Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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