____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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