Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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