Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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