non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
