Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize