Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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