Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
