How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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