..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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