Buhtt sex?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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