i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
