this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
