I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
