i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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