I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
