I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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