I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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