I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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