well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
