bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
