She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
