so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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