he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
