Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
