im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
