I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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