when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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