ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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