I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize