I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
