My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
