The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
