Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
