So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
