i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
