When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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